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Thursday, March 10, 2011
And so tomorrow marks the end of my boyfriend's two years of National Service. To think that two years was such a long time when he just enlisted - okay, even before he enlisted, I cried buckets at night. To think that I was already so emotionally attached to him even when we were only together for two months then. Two years practically flew by - but of course I can only say this after that two years period is over.
I know HE is the one ORD-ing tomorrow, but somehow, I feel the need to reflect upon myself over these two years too. He told me that his Captain (or something) told him that if a girl was willing to wait for a guy serving NS for two whole years, she is worth keeping, just like how his wife did the same to him during his time. It touches me to know that he takes what his Captain said seriously. :)
I was very weak when he first enlisted. I couldn't wait for night time to arrive because I anticipate phonecalls from him every single night. And I really mean every single night from the BMT days to OCS days to even after he commissioned. But of course I became less uptight after I got used to his 'busy', 'tired' and 'no mood' moments. OK I'm lying. I made it sound as if I didn't care. Those nights when he was tired, busy and not in the mood, I got really upset and most of the time, it would lead to me crying to sleep. I would text him many emo messages, and most of the time, he would 1) reassure me things are fine, 2) he ignores it cause he's still tired, busy and not in the mood and 3) he would reply really coldly cause maybe I was really overreacting. So yes, these two years was practically an emotional turmoil for me with so much getting used to and adjustments, shrugging off expectations and sometimes even getting false hopes. It was also the two years of bearing so much pain from keeping a lot of things to myself because there was just nothing I could do to let him know or see what I was going through...or so I thought.
On another note, I also realised how much I have to be more understanding and accommodating towards his needs. He is definitely not an emotional person who would lament on every single problem he/we faced. Most of the time, he kept things to himself too. I grew to understand that army life as an officer is tough and challenging and he needed all the mental, physical and emotional strength to overcome everything.
Over the two years, we had a timeout once and broke up twice, and as much as I cannot forget these incidents, I think that they're truly a blessing. He is now much better than he was before. Yes he has his cold, nasty moments... but he can now handle situations better. Just like the phrase, after the storm, comes the rainbow or something? I think that the two years have transformed the 'I' or 'me' into a 'we'. We've learnt to communicate and compromise, and truly realise the importance of communication and knowing what each other feel, so that we don't make each other sad or angry.
So all those emotional days from him leaving for Brunei for 3 weeks, Taiwan for another three weeks, many field camps that can last for 3 - 9 days, those days that he wasn't there when I need him, and many other rough times, will be over tomorrow. I'm sure there'll be other challenges ahead, and I hope we don't stray from each other and remember what we've had all along. I don't think that the two years that we've been together, it had always been rainbows and butterflies as it probably seemed to be...and that is something worth remembering - the ups AND downs of our relationship. :)
May this transition be a smooth one for both us, InsyaAllah.
Happy ORD-ing Sayang. I love you always!
Blogged @ 11:17:00 PM